🤩🙏🤩 I’m SO excited about this UNIQUE and SACRED event at this PRESTIGIOUS London yoga studio! ⭐️🌟🔥😎💰💰💰

No hun — it’s ME who CAN’T WAIT to get on an airplane and fly ✈️💨✈️ to this glorious offering! The teacher is a 💎💎💎 top-level doTERRA Wellness Advocate💎💎💎, and the theme is 🕉️🕉️🕉️ THE YOGA SUTRAS 🕉️🕉️🕉️.

OMG. Like, my two FAVOURITE things. ✌️

To be clear: it doesn’t promise this in the ad copy for the event, but maybe that’s because this wisdom is so potent it has to be COVERT. Maybe the workshop is like a 🐴 TROJAN HORSE 🐴 for entering the doTERRA world!!!

All I can say is that I hope hope HOPE the veils will be removed and that this workshop will FINALLY unlock for me and the 🌎 WORLD 🌎the hidden link between 🙏 ancient yogic wisdom 🙏 and the power 💪👊💪 of essential oils. This podcast only WHETTED my APPETITE! I just know there are so many hidden connections in this content that can heal the traumatic wounds that separate us from the past, from mystery, from 🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳Mother India 🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳, and from each other!!!

The old 👴💀👴 patriarchal 👴💀👴yoga vision always told us that Patanjali instructed a retreat from social interactions, the renunciation of not only householding but sensuality 💃💃💃 itself, and that the whole point was to meditate until the organic world became meaningless and ultimately disappeared. Basically: sit still and do NOTHING until you die! ☠️☠️☠️ I hope that this teacher can show me that the 🔍🔍🔍 HIDDEN TRUTH 🔍🔍🔍 of the text, which NO ONE has really been ready for yet, is that Patanjali was really a FEMINIST VINYASA-FLOW TEACHER 😱😱😱 who understood the community-building POWER of multi-level marketing. 💰💰💰

It was only a few months ago that I saw that this teacher helps to spread the word about the doTERRA Yoga Collection. Check it out!

🧨🧨🧨”The body achieves what the mind believes.”🧨🧨🧨

Sing it! Truth to the MAX! It’s getting hot in here! 🔥🔥🔥 And just look at that box, with its EXQUISITE trio design, referring to the gunas, the doshas, or even the TRIDENT OF SHIVA 🔱🔱🔱!!!

So I’ve been using these oils according to the instructions on the sales page, and it’s been AMAZING. Here are the instructions:

The perfect yoga poses to pair with doTERRA Anchor’s aroma are Seated Meditation, Seated Twist, and Bhu Mudra (one hand on the heart, the other on the Earth).

Ideal yoga poses with doTERRA Align’s aroma are Warrior II, Triangle, and Gate pose.

Use doTERRA Arise while practicing the following yoga poses: standing arms high, standing side stretch, and Half Moon.

Pro-tip: what I’ve noticed is that when I do those exact poses with those exact oils smeared all over me, it’s JUST LIKE doing those poses while smelling different oils. It’s AMAZING. I’m SO grateful.🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏

On a DEEPER level, I’ve always intuited (and intentioned) that essential oils continue the great Patanjali legacy of EXTRACTION. I mean, they take the ESSENCE of the plant life — so sattvic, so green, so blended and steeped — and distill it so that, like meditation, it can penetrate inward on SO many levels. 💉💉💉

I believe the TRUE NATURE of renunciation is fully revealed through multi-level marketing. For instance, if you start bringing your friends and yoga students into your downline, you’ll be letting go of all needless social attachments, without even thinking about it! 🤷🤷🤷 And financially, the system is so effective it makes the vast majority of sellers see through the basic delusion of expecting money for labour — when in reality all value is manifested. 🍄🍄🍄 This is an AMAZING lesson for the ego. 🤯🤯🤯

I’m all about the Ninth Limb, friends. 💰💰💰 ABUNDANCE 💰💰💰. It comes AFTER completing samadhi, which is just a little boring, TBH. 💤💤💤

The Ninth Limb allows you to observe with equanimity as your impermanent relationships disintegrate and your householding attachments go into foreclosure. Because, in your essence, you are NEVER indebted, to ANYTHING. You have no mortgage in the divine realm. 🏡🏡🏡

Plus if you totally get into the oils, like, really snort them HARD through breath of fire and other pranayamas — 😤😤😤 I hope to learn these in the workshop! 😤😤😤 — they are so potent that they will destroy your 👃👃👃 olfactory nerves 👃👃, and then you will have progressed on the path to sensory control. Bonus: I read somewhere that applying eucalyptus to your jade 🥚🥚🥚 egg 🥚🥚🥚will make you renounce all 💋 lust 💋, thus aiding the holy practice of 🙏 Brahmacharya 🙏. I know that’s mainly for women. But exclusion is so wrong! I put MY jade egg in my 🍑 BUM 🍑. I’ve started with the smaller size but plan to work my way up. It’s so NOURISHING to learn how to sit with discomfort. 🥴

Of course, everyone is at a different level in their personal JOURNEY. Some people find renouncing their friends and money too hard, and really need to hope in something. Luckily doTERRA provides. Do your children have autism? There’s an oil for that. Auntie has cancer? A little dab here and there, and to SANITIZE the IV needles. When facing Ebola, I believe that Doctors Without Borders should all be carrying On Guard starter packs, and they should be recruiting mothers in WAR ZONES into their downlines.

It’s true that the FDA warned doTERRA about some of these claims, but I know what’s true in my heart, AND in my diffuser. Yeah, whatever, FDA. Blah blah blah. F U Big Pharma!!! 🖕🖕🖕

Also there’s all this FAKE NEWS out there about doTERRA being some kind of PYRAMID SCHEME. LOL. They trot out TOTALLY BOGUS NUMBERS like how almost two MILLION doTERRA wellness advocates made ZERO in commissions.

What I totally hate about this hating is that it glosses over the POWER and STRENGTH of there being 2 MILLION wellness advocates working HARD at their DREAM of a 🌎 world 🌎 filled with aroma. 👃👃👃

And oh, as for all those stories about doTERRA wrecking havoc in people’s lives? Sorry — I’m not here for the sob-fest victim olympics, and NEITHER IS PATANJALI.

I hope to manifest through this workshop that the teacher will SHOW me how Patanjali’s third chapter on special yogic powers possibly contains coded messages on how to use essential oils to REALLY treat medical conditions at their SOURCE. But why stop there?

Seriously tho. I want a blend that will help me tolerate the unbearable venality of consumerism. I want an oil that will soothe my facial muscles when they get cramped up in my permanent fake smile I want an oil that will make me more resilient in the face of predatory marketing. I want an oil that will heal me from my yoga injuries, and make me forget that there are yoga cults. I want an oil I can sniff when I’m in the depths of climate despair. I want an oil that will sequester the carbon I will spew as I fly to this workshop.

Anyway, I’ve totally gone on long enough! It’s time for my mid-morning self-care RITUAL. That’s right: some ME time. I’m just gonna blend all the Yoga oils together and roll em on my orifices to bless the nine gateways 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋 of my holy body temple. Patanjali says the human body is disgusting, so I hope that this workshop will provide an aspirational translation for sutra 2:40.

One last thing, dear TRIBE: I’m so overwhelmed with GRATITUDE that such a prestigious business is hosting this OFFERING. It’s truly a watershed that an elite yoga company is so open to this essential wisdom. They’re taking a real stand here. The BEST companies make their customers feel like they could all be in the upline 💰💰💰, and that’s the vibe I get. It’s also so cool that this is coming after the super-successful ♿ Accessible Yoga ♿ training they JUST hosted 👍. It fits right into the biz model to make this offering SO accessible at ONLY 700 pounds. But that’s post-Brexit, so who really knows what the actual cost will be. My belief is that money is only an illusion when you have ABUNDANCE. 💰💰💰



  • Bravo! And you nailed the MML lexicon in a disturbingly accurate way. Only you forgot how nutritious and powerful ingesting the oils in a bottle of spring water after a yoga class can be. Got to destroy gut microbiota and burn a few oral mucous membranes if we want to manifest true abundance, right?!

  • Hi Matthew,

    That was an amusing read. Playing devil’s advocate on this, I don’t actually begrudge someone for buying elegantly packaged oils (retail therapy) and imagining that using them with certain poses makes them feel more grounded or whatever (placebo effect). Not for me (or you, obviously) but who knows?
    I do find it a bit hypocritical on your part, given that you sell “Ayurvedic counseling”, albeit not in an MLM setting. Not exactly evidence based, but some folks may benefit from thinking they are “Vata” or “Pitta” or “Kapha” constitution, even though they could obtain multiple completely contradictory classifications by going to three different practitioners (on the same day). But let’s be honest: it sells! People like the mystical ancient “traditional” quality and for a short time they may actually feel better about themselves–kind of like with essential oils, ya know?
    A more recent phenomenon is the marketing of webinars under the banner of being “evidence based” (some promoted by you BTW). Except they aren’t evidence based. It’s actually similar to the essential oils in that it is slickly packaged and promises some completely unproven benefit. These are usually promoted as “game changing” (or whatever the current buzzword is) and “evidence based”. Frankly, I find this to be more deceptive–and ultimately, less effective–than the MLM scheme you’ve written about here.

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