{"id":8196,"date":"2019-03-04T04:56:29","date_gmt":"2019-03-04T09:56:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/?p=8196"},"modified":"2019-03-04T04:56:29","modified_gmt":"2019-03-04T09:56:29","slug":"contact-dancing-with-karen-rain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/contact-dancing-with-karen-rain\/","title":{"rendered":"Contact Dancing with Karen Rain"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Note:<\/b> I wrote this as an epilogue to Practice and All is Coming<\/a>. For me, it rounded off the narrative journey of this 3+ years process. I’d gotten to know Karen Rain over several interviews, dozens of phone calls, and hundreds of emails. It was extraordinary to meet her in person finally, and go with her to a movement space where she didn’t have to speak her story anymore, but could show me something of what had helped her heal from being abused within the Ashtanga world. It really felt like the last word. However, as the book developed, its ending swerved away from the personal and towards the study of community health best practices. My editor and I eventually decided that this piece was ultimately distracting from that arc \u2014 even though it feels like the beating heart of how it all came together. So here it is, on its own, opening with a quote from Kathleen Rea, who hosted us that night.<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Explorations of different themes, such as intimacy, sensuality, surrendering control, anger, fighting, being contained, grief etc. are welcome as long as they are not explicitly sexual, and are created through a step-by-step verbal or non-verbal consent building process. Please note that a newcomer to contact dance improvisation sometimes has not yet acquired the language or skill through which to build consent for dances exploring intense themes. We, therefore, ask that you limit exploring intense themes with newcomers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

— Kathleen Rea, \u201cWednesday Contact Dance Improvisation Jam Boundary Guidelines\u201d<\/a><\/em>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

_______________<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Wednesday evening in Toronto, mid-March. It\u2019s chilly, and Karen clutches her bulky sweater close as we walk from the car to Dovercourt House in Toronto\u2019s west end. On Friday we\u2019ll be filming our big interview at Diane Bruni\u2019s house<\/a>. We\u2019re chatting about it, going over the questions. The plan for the interview is to have something raw and humanizing to accompany The Walrus article<\/a> when it drops. We know that people will try to discredit her, and me, and we\u2019ve calculated that the in-person format will minimize that. We know what it feels like to talk with each other, and we\u2019re thinking that if people can eavesdrop, they\u2019ll get it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But she\u2019s nervous about it, and I can feel she wants to stop talking. The evening is crystal clear. We\u2019re heading to a dance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Contact Improv Jam, to be specific. The host is Kathleen Rea<\/a>. She was in the ballet world, and is now a psychotherapist. We slip out of our coats and shoes and into her class in the enormous third floor room, and watch from the sides as she guides a small group. The dancers pair off and turn around each other, touching hands, arms, hips, backs, slumping together, pushing off gently, rolling down to the ground, supporting each other, trading weight back and forth. I feel relaxed and slightly mesmerized. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The class ends and Rea announces that the Improv session will be starting in ten minutes. She asks that if anyone is new to the experience that they meet with her outside to hear the intro talk and some ground rules. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we file back out into the hallway, more people arrive. A musician begins to set up. It\u2019s Jeff Burke, who locals know from his haunting busking on the subway. He has dreadlocks reaching down to his ankles. He\u2019s smiling and melancholic, and bent low under an enormous dufflebag. As he unpacks it seems like some musical tickle trunk that can never be completely empty. He draws out a black bassoon, a tin whistle, and a theremin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Karen and I sit down cross-legged in the hallway with three millenials, also first-timers to this space. Karen isn\u2019t new to Contact Improv, which, she\u2019s told me, has been very helpful in her healing process, post-Ashtanga. It\u2019s helped her feel her body in relation to other bodies again. In public spaces, in safety, in sensual but non-sexual ways. Karen suggested we come to Rea\u2019s class because Rea is famous in the Contact Jam world for the clarity with which she runs her space. Like Rain, she has been a reformer<\/a>, calling out abuses and problems with consent in her subculture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rea starts her intro talk from the groundwork of affirmative\nconsent. This is an art-form, she explains, in which touch is common. It\u2019s often\nevocative and nourishing, but it\u2019s also not essential. She says that any dancer\ncan and should say no to an invitation to dance at any time, and can also\nexpress withdrawal verbally or non-verbally. She says that we might notice that\npeople who have been coming for a long time have unique and complex\ndance-stories that have evolved between them. That can be cool to watch, but\nprobably not to try to imitate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She explains that Contact Improv can bring up all\nkinds of complex sensations, feelings, and thoughts, some of which might be sexual\nin nature. This is nothing to be ashamed of, she says. But in this space we\nagree that those feelings will not be acted out. There are spaces in the\nsubculture in which that\u2019s part of the scene, she says. But here, sexualized\ncontact is strictly forbidden. She assures us that while she\u2019ll be\nparticipating in the dance, she\u2019ll also be available for questions and to help\nus process any complexity that comes up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I\u2019m sitting there and it\u2019s starting to sink\nin. How extraordinary it is to be here with Karen, listening to a teacher give\nus a ten-minute safer-space talk about touch and consent. How would Karen\u2019s\nlife have turned out, I wonder, if this level of clarity had been available\ntwenty-five years ago in the Ashtanga world? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can feel also something else. A terror has\nbuilt up in me while writing this book that there is no safety to be found in\nthis world. That yoga classes and dance jams are somehow always and forever\nstrained by unconscious desires and aggressions fanned by unequal power\ndynamics, and that there\u2019s nothing to be done about it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is not true. We can do lots of things about it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rea checks in to see if we have any further\nquestions. A young woman asks about feeling shy or out of place. Rea nods and\nsays, \u201cYou can just watch, too. And you can just wait for someone to ask, and\nsee how you feel.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like that answer. It\u2019s also for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We file back in and sit down against the wall. Jeff\nBurke has started to play. There\u2019s a pickup plugged into the mouth of his\nbassoon. It sends a low drone through an amp and into a loop machine to keep it\ngoing. Some of the dancers are already up and at it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel shy, not only about the dance, but about\nsitting there with Karen, not talking about Jois. We\u2019ve put aside the history, and\nnow there\u2019s music. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two days later, after our interview and over\nlunch, Karen summed up our awkward moment, and a few others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo when we stop talking about Ashtanga,\u201d she says with wry smile, \u201cwill we have anything else to talk about? How likely is it that we\u2019ll be friends after this is all over? Do we have anything else in common? I\u2019m queer and you\u2019re a straight guy with a partner and kids and very little free time. You\u2019re also still in the yoga world.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Half sad, half elated, I laughed. Of the many\nthings this whole experience had done to and for Karen, it had above all else\nmade her brutally honest. I know she doesn\u2019t like this word, but I can\u2019t think\nof any other that fits: for Karen, honesty is the highest form of spirituality<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I drove her to the airport the day after that\nlunch, we talked about the sacrifice this spirituality demands. We were talking\nabout the pros and cons of having gone through all of this, especially for her.\nHow much it cost to disclose everything and remember, and retell, and weather\nthe denials and rationalizations all over again. But also: how much clarity it\nhad provided. How it had helped to change an entire culture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I first dialed your number,\u201d I said, \u201cI had\nno idea that all this would happen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNeither did I,\u201d Karen said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The landscape hurtled by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat can I say?\u201d said Karen. \u201cI hate you for this and I also love you for this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We laugh and cry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back in that dance room on that Wednesday night,\nI remember my shyness slowly turning into a pre-teen-style goofball shame that\nI wasn\u2019t just getting up and dancing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo are you going to dance?\u201d Karen asked me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think I\u2019m waiting for someone to ask me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d She smiles. I\u2019m sure I look funny to her.\nJust another man, used to thinking of himself as so confident. But really, deep\ndown, afraid to dance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWould you like to dance with me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLook,\u201d she said. \u201cI feel safe with you. I don’t think you’re a creep. But don’t give me all your body weight. You’re a big guy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Got it<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still felt too shy to look her in the eye. That was okay. We went to the centre of the room and sat down, back to back. The bassoon got louder and Karen leaned into me. As she pushed her back into mine I felt a flush of warmth and resolution and friendship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I was surprised, in a new way, by how strong she was.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I\u2019m sitting there and it\u2019s starting to sink in. How extraordinary it is to be here with Karen, listening to a teacher give us a ten-minute safer-space talk about touch and consent. How would Karen\u2019s life have turned out, I wonder, if this level of clarity had been available twenty-five years ago in the Ashtanga world? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8197,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"slim_seo":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,23,85,109,560,93],"tags":[477,611,612,103],"class_list":["post-8196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","category-blog","category-charismatic-abuse","category-rape-culture","category-trauma","category-yoga-culture","tag-consent-culture","tag-contact-dance","tag-contact-improv","tag-karen-rain"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8196"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8196\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8197"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8196"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/matthewremski.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}