Grief and Masculine Armour: A Brief Note

Grief and Masculine Armour: A Brief Note

Death is a singularity, but not all deaths are the same.

This summer marked the second time a friend of mine has died, suddenly and unnaturally.

This time it was a man, my age, with whom I shared so much that I walked around for weeks wondering whether I had suddenly died, or whether I was at the edge of it.

There was unfinished business, but not the type you’d have with a father or a son. Not the type that had built up over decades of microactions. It was the unfinished business of feeling that a part of yourself was now amputated, and couldn’t do its work. That first friend was hit and killed by a truck. But that’s not what happened this summer. There was no ultimate outside force involved. It was a godless death. Continue reading “Grief and Masculine Armour: A Brief Note”

filling the gap: beginning to transform grief

On 11/19, Octopus Garden hosted a fundraising event for the family of Jenna Morrison: an asana class accompanied by music. It was attended by about 60 people and raised over $1600 for Lucas and Florian. I was asked to deliver a few remarks before we started. I spoke about holding space for the grieving, the economy of giving voice to grief, the implicit exchange of caregiving, and the moment in which grief might begin to elide into action, and how this can happen. Here are my notes, slightly expanded.


When there is grief, some of us are called upon to hold space. And the grieving person dissolves into that space. There is a delayed exchange going on. Because with time the grieving person will recover, and then be able to hold space for you when you grieve. Continue reading “filling the gap: beginning to transform grief”